is your mom at the bar?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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