fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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