yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
