you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
