my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
