i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize