So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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