so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
