i would punch a child for taco bell
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize