So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
