apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
