Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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