I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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