I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
