You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize