i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
