Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
