I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
