I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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