Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We don't watch enough power rangers
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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