I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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