Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
