So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
