we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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