And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
