I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Still dying that you shit outside
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
