So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize
