Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
