Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
