around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
