he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
