We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
