I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
