I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
