Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
