do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
