shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
