My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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