i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
