There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
