My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What a dumb baby whore.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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