I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
