so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize