this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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