You work out of a Hotel?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
