She went from zero to smokin in five shots
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
