I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
