I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
