$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
