I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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