At least make sure they are 18
Why
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
