I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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