I must be too annoying 4 u.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
