i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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