So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
