i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
