i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
