Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
