he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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