Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
