every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
