so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
