The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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