if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
