just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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