Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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