we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
