this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
don't judge my taste in strippers
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We are all done wearing pants today
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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