I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i out mim tonsoeep
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