I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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